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Interview with Nikki Arana on As I Have Loved You RW: How did you get the idea for this book? NA: Well, this book was inspired by a true story—my son’s first marriage. The Winds of Sonoma, my first book, was about how I met my husband, that was my love story. But as I watched my son go through unexpected and very difficult hardships after he was married, I thought to myself, “Now this really is a love story.” He truly loved his wife as Christ loves the church. I did change the background of the characters so they bear no resemblance to the real people who inspired the story. But then, the story wasn’t really about her or him, it was about the love. RW: Do you feel there’s a particular theme to the book? NA: Yes, I do. The heroine of the book is the mother, Leigh, and the theme of the book is a number of things. Primarily, it’s about loving the unlovable. Second is forgiveness. And the third one is learning that, as Christians, we need to seek God’s face and not His hands, which is something that Leigh was very confused about. She really wanted the exciting signs and wonders of faith, but she was missing the most important gift, which is love. RW: What was the most difficult part of writing it? NA: The most difficult part for me was writing the love scene between Jessica and Jeff. Firstly, it hit a little close to home, and being Christian fiction, I wanted it to meet a certain standard. It was very much a factor in how their relationship developed, so I had to include it. I was concerned about it, but the publisher left it exactly as I wrote it. They didn’t go back and change anything. Again, as with all of my books, I used a lot of symbols, and I try to show the reader the layers of emotion. The “sex” scene wasn’t really about sex, it was about love, and that’s how I approached the scene as I wrote it. She was wounded, and he wanted to comfort her, to be a balm. RW: This is definitely a character-driven book. When you started writing this, did you already have in mind the layers of the characters, or did they develop as you went? NA: Oh, they developed as I went, and again, this is true of all my books. When I start writing, I have the big pieces; I know my beginning, my middle, and my end. But the story definitely reveals itself as I write. And as I get to know the characters better, they show themselves more and more. That was definitely true here, and you know that’s what impressed me about your review—you really got it, you saw all the different aspects of these people—they were all deeply flawed. It’s hard to write that, because the reader has to care about them.. I was concerned about that with Leigh, because you had to understand who she was. If you didn’t she’d be unsympathetic, the way she was hovering over her son. So yes, the characters definitely deepened as the story moved on. That’s part of the creative process, and I believe it’s the Holy Spirit revealing truth to me as I write. Revealing more and more about the characters. Some people would say it’s just the subconscious, that these things come from past experiences, or things I’m not consciously thinking. But this is my fourth book, and I have to say that I believe the characters are inspired by the Spirit, and that’s why they can touch other people. RW: I wanted to take some time to talk about each of the characters. We’ll start with Leigh, since she just came up. Leigh struck me as very judgmental, but then, she was right, which added some depth. Still wrong, but right too. NA: But she was familiar to you, as she’s familiar to me. Because we do judge, especially with our children. We want the best for them. It’s a double-edged sword; we have a responsibility, on one hand, but spiritually we’re told not to judge. That’s kind of the heart of the book, that dilemma. RW: So how are we to handle a situation like hers? NA: Well, I’ll tell you, it’s a very thought-provoking question, one that I asked myself a lot as I wrote this book. I think when you get to the end of this book, it becomes clear: one should caution one’s child if you see they are about to make a huge mistake, but you must also show love in the situation. RW: We’ll move on to Jeff, then. Love was his strong point, I would say, but let’s discuss his strengths and weaknesses. NA: Well, his interest in Jessica started because she was interested in learning about Jesus. He was drawn to her in a very pure way; he was interested in her salvation. As he got to know her, he found common ground with her, because they’d both been shunned a lot in life. He was a fringe kid because of his ADD. He was very sympathetic to the rejection she had experienced during her life, her needs, her wounding, and her hurts, because he had been there too. He related to her and understood where she was coming from. That’s how he fell in love with her. He saw her vulnerability, he saw what good there was in her, and he focused on that. Because that’s what love does. Love is kind and longsuffering, non-judgmental, like Corinthians says. That’s the love he had for her. RW: Let’s move onto Jessica. She changes a lot; what drives her from who she is at the beginning to what she becomes by the end? NA: Again, I have to say it’s love. Jeff’s love for her. He accepted her for who she was, and even though she didn’t completely trust him in the beginning, as the relationship moves on, she does learn to trust him. She couldn’t commit like a normal person would, because every person in her life had either used her or abused her from the day she was born. But his love wins her over. What was your impression? Did you feel she really changed, or was there still a reservation? RW: I didn’t feel there was still a reservation concerning Jeff, but she did still have a reserve; she wanted to protect herself. NA: Right, because she still feared conditional love. RW: Moving onto John; he really brings in your theme of forgiveness. He loses touch with a magnificent calling because of the unforgiveness in his heart. Let’s talk about his reasons for that and the consequences. NA: The way I brought that out was that his unforgiveness was buried. The pain stems from something that happened to him way back. I really feel that many of us harbor things we may not even be aware of. But eventually his unforgiveness was brought to his attention. That, then, immediately put a barrier between him and God, because when we sin against another person, we sin against God. In his case, it was a very dramatic thing, because he had such a calling and gift. A lot of us wouldn’t have such a clear indication that we have something in our lives separating us from God. He really grappled with it, he struggled to forgive. It was something he had to work out with God, not with the other person; those issues are first between us and God. Without working that out, we’ll never be able to truly reconcile to the other person. RW: John really embodied the Gift that Leigh so wanted. You handled it in a very sensitive way, when it came to the other side of it—people pursuing a good gift in the wrong way. NA: That’s one of the other reasons I really wanted to write this book. I used the love story to showcase the real story, about Leigh pursuing the wrong gift. She learned her lesson about the greatest of the gifts being love by seeing her son’s love for Jessica. RW: Yeah, people often look at love as separate from the Spiritual Gifts—that there’s the love chapter, and then there are all of the gifts. NA: Right, but it’s the love—the scripture says, “the greatest of these is love,” and that is so true. For a while, that was my working title, “The Greatest of These is Love.” Everything else is clanging cymbals. RW: What made you decide to tackle the subject of the Holy Spirit in this way? Is it something you saw around you? NA: It is. God has really blessed me with His gifts. I find some Christians get focused on signs and wonders; they don’t love others, but they think they’re directly connected to the power of the Holy Spirit. They don’t get it—that all of the signs and wonders are a gift from God at His discretion, as He sees fit. The Holy Spirit isn’t of God, it is God. We can’t summon it up to get things done for God. Sometimes people completely lose sight of the need to love, to evangelize and reach out to others in love so that others can see Christ. It seems to happen often in the church today, people seeking after the gifts of the Holy Spirit rather than the Lord. RW: What are the dangers of that? NA: Well, as Leigh learns, you get your eyes off the Lord and drift away from His true message, which is of love. Love results in salvation. Seeking after signs and wonders alone results in nothing.
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